I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
