i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
