Plan B is the new Plan A
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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