so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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