So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
