please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
