sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
