hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
