Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
