Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
