I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Rumble strips road head = magical
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
FUCK WHALES
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