And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
