3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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