I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Let's get the cat blown out
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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