Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
