Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
