I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
