Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
