what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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