I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
