70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
