ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
