You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
