Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
