He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
