Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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