She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
