p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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