And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
