drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
