he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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