i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Who died my cat blue again?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
