You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
