it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
