I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
