You made me cry and you don't even care
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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