how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
