pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
