worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
