What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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