Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
