Nicole vs. Life
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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