i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
