He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
