elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
