then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
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