Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
