so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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