you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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