Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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