dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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