And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
