Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
