omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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