I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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