Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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