hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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