Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
