p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
