can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Randomize