Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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