I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
