he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
