Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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