yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
