Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
