So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
